


For You

by Lil_Lioness



Series: No Going Back [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gay Disaster Shiro (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Season 8 who?, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, They are trying, don't know her sorry, mostly angsty but happy too?, ok so most of them are only mentioned, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 01:51:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17274836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lil_Lioness/pseuds/Lil_Lioness
Summary: “You only remember loving him! You… you only lost half of this. Me? I lost you. Shiro, I lost you three fucking times. You left, reported dead. And then you appear again and I’m a fucking nobody to you. And then, then I failed you. Couldn’t tell that it was a clone say- that it was it clone. I just, I thought.. I really thought coming back, seeing Adam, maybe you’d remember. Maybe it’d go back to how it was but… I lost him too. I lost him twice and. I just, I keep losing people Shiro. I can’t, I’m done losing people.” Lance walked out of the memorial yard, away from the ocean of pain threatening to over spill.And Shiro? Shiro stood there dumbfounded and let him.





	For You

**Author's Note:**

> I??? updated? wow
> 
> I tried, sorry its kinda choppy though. still getting used to writing more than just poetry :)))))

The Voltron crew had just landed on Earth. Two years later than they had thought, but still. They were home, weren’t they? Everything would be… just fine. They’d finish the war and- 

 

Nothing was fine. Hunk’s family, captured. The destruction on their home planet, the distrust and fear that hung heavy in the air. But the worst? The casualties they couldn’t have prevented. 

 

Shiro had turned to Iverson almost immediately, while Lance was hugged tight by his family. Eager to hear of Adam, but as Lance stepped to his side… Iverson’s face just fell. It was Lance who understood. Who knew, without doubt, that his worst fears were coming true. 

 

Adam had given his life, never knowing the status of either man he’d loved. 

 

Lance and Shiro were lead to the memorial courtyard, to a wall decorated in to many names, leaving a sour taste dense in the air. The Paladins left them to mourn.

 

“I… can’t. How could he have.... All this time and I’ll never see him again. Never apologize for-” Lance was talking to himself, unable to stop the tears spilling from his eyes. 

 

“Lance, don’t. You and I both know he would have forgiven you, you can’t let the past-” Shiro put his hand on Lance’s shoulder, for both the younger boy and his own sanity. 

 

“Don’t. Just- you can’t possibly understand how I feel. You just. I lost him Shiro. I lost Adam.” Lance shook Shiro off, and wiped his face dry, his red shot eyes the only evidence of his tears. 

 

“And I didn’t? I loved him too!” The older man could see him shutting down, see the last string holding Lance together, breaking. 

 

“You only remember loving him! You… you only lost half of this. Me? I lost you. Shiro, I lost you three fucking times. You left, reported dead. And then you appear again and I’m a fucking nobody to you. And then, then I failed you. Couldn’t tell that it was a clone say- that it was it clone. I just, I thought.. I really thought coming back, seeing Adam, maybe you’d remember. Maybe it’d go back to how it was but… I lost him too. I lost him twice and. I just, I keep losing people Shiro. I can’t, I’m done losing people.” Lance walked out of the memorial yard, away from the ocean of pain threatening to over spill. 

 

And Shiro? Shiro stood there dumbfounded and let him. 

 

It wasn’t for nearly an hour that Shiro moved again, his feet bringing him to the only place they knew still, his old quarters. Rather, his and Adam’s old quarters. 

 

The twists and turns hardly phased him, as he was stuck trying to find where he went wrong. Hadn’t.. Weren’t he and Lance on good terms? Sure, the clone has messed things up for a while but… they spent nearly the whole journey home together, talking. Reassuring the other that the past couldn’t be helped. Had Lance been holding something else back? Had Shior gone to far somewhere… 

 

Before he knew it, Shiro found himself at the door of the small apartment style suite. The last time he’d been here… Adam had walked out (did Lance follow him, or had he left first). The key pad was worn, but had a layer of dust settled over it. Shiro could feel his heart shatter just a little more. 

 

Walking in, was like waking up from a bad dream. All the pictures, every memories of Adam he had, still hung on the walls. And right there, nestled between each moment he remembered, was Lance. Lance laughing, Lance dancing, Lance Lance Lance. There were more candids of Lance on the walls than Shiro and Adam combined. 

 

And he reached, pushed his mind to remember, to find the moments he was missing. Begged the universe to let him have that, at least. Let him understand why Lance’s cheeks were flushed in one picture, why his eyes wet in another. There was nothing more he wanted, than to remember loving Lance. 

 

Shiro made his way through the rooms, unsettled by the layer of dust. Coating every surface, every picture. Memories of loving Adam haunted him, phantoms of Adam around every corner. When Shiro couldn’t take it anymore, he settled at Adam’s desk. His computer was untouched, a file of student work half graded, and a drawer left partially open. 

 

Shiro smiled, seeing the familiar hand written notes on the student papers, encouragement and constructive critics. He spent a few minutes reading them over, remembering his own days as a student. After leafing through the papers, the drawer called his attention. Taking a deep breath, and knowing that Adam would reprimand him for going through his desk, Shiro opened it. In it, lay piles of disk. Some addressed to ‘Kashi, and some to Lance. All labeled in Adam’s messy handwriting. Biting back tears, Shiro’s eyes welled up, and he barely held back his tears. 

 

They were responses. To the first video messages they sent back with Sam. Even, eventually they (read: Pidge, the resident genius) figured out how to send videos back regularly. And after Lance’s confession and the truth getting out, he’d been able to send a few to Adam. Before everything went sideways. 

 

But they’d never gotten responses, so they all assumed maybe it hadn’t worked. Lance and Shiro though, they kept sending videos, just incase it worked some day. And by the looks of it… it had worked. Adam had kept his responses, had responded… Shiro, couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. He took out the disks, and laid them on the desktop. Proof, that Adam knew how much he was loved and cherished and missed and… he died knowing. After the tears slowed, Shiro noticed that Lance had more responses, which seemed odd because… as far as he knew, they sent the same number of messages. Unless, Lance had sent them while the clone was around. Lance had kept trying… 

Without much thought, Shiro moved to wake the computer, to watch Adam’s responses. Only to see a notification, of a message. Hesitantly, Shiro clicked to see what it could be, only for a video still of Lance to pop up. And, he didn’t look to great. But it was dated only a few months ago…back at the beginning of their journey home. Shiro was debating whether to watch it or not, when it started playing. 

 

“Hey babe. I uh… I know its been a while since my last message, or maybe this is the first that’ll go through but um. I just. Adam. I messed up.” 

 

The Lance on screen, looked heart broken and tired. He looked ragged and worn and… it broke Shiro’s heart to hear the raw pain in his voice. 

 

“I. I told you that after Shiro had gone missing we um. We found him again. He came back to me, he uh. I told you how excited I was. I. Adam I really thought he was sending you messages too, that he just needed more time before we could talk about it. And I, god you saw how excited I was and… Adam he was a clone. He wasn’t my, our ‘Kashi. He looked and talked and walked and fuck he even loved like him but… he was just a tool for the galra. Adam I’m scared cause… i just. I keep losing him. I keep losing you and… 

 

He remembered Adam. I told you how happy I was, cause I walked into my room one night and… the fucking clone had surprised me with a recreation of mine and Shiro’s first solo night out and I thought.. 

 

And then he was a clone and we got the real Shiro back and he still… does he not really love me? 

 

Adam. I miss you. I love you and I, I need you to be alive when I get back. I need to hug you and remind you just how much I didn’t mean any of what I said to you and…”

 

The Lance on screen, he was sobbing. Broken. And Shiro was breaking for him. 

 

Why, why hadn’t anyone told him that the clone had Lance like that, why hadn’t anyone told him he was still hurting Lance? 

 

Why had Lance lied and said he was fine. 

 

Shiro sat in the chair for what felt like years, tears falling steadily from his eyes. What else hadn’t Lance told him from when he was on the astral plane? About to go and find him, Shiro jumped when there was a knock at the door. 

 

“Shiro… I know you’re in there I just… can I come in?” Lance’s voice was weak, hardly even a whisper. 

 

Shiro didn’t hesitate to sweep across the room and open the door. The sight he was met with mustn’t have been much better than his own appearance. Lance’s eyes were red and his face blotchy from crying. His whole body shaking, as though he expected Shiro to through him out. 

 

Shiro pulled him into a bone crushing hug. 

 

They stated in the doorway until Lance pulled away, and walked to the couch. He settled himself down, and looked to Shiro expectantly, patting the cushion next to him. Instead, Shiro moved and scooped Lance up, carrying him bridal style to the bedroom, and holding him close and he laid them both down. 

 

“No, no cuddling yet. I need to talk Shiro.” Lance pushed his way into a sitting position, and Shiro silently followed suit. 

 

“Shiro. I… I’m sorry for the outburst. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I know you’re trying to remember me, I know its hard. And I know you miss him too. I, I was selfish. I didn’t want to share my pain and…” 

 

“Lance. You were hurting. You don’t need to justify yourself to me. I mean, don’t pull that shit all the time but… I can understand. Um, especially after I uh… watched the last video you sent Adam.” Lance froze, his eyes wide. “I wasn’t going to I swear it just, it started playing and you looked so heart broken and…”

 

Lance was crying again, tears marking his cheeks in steady rhythm. 

 

“Lance I, I don’t know how to apologize. I don’t know how to make the hurt less but Lance, Lance why didn’t you tell me?” Shiro cupped Lance’s face, wiping tears away as they fell. 

 

“I didn’t tell anyone, he… he didn’t want to tell anyone. The fucking clone said it’d be a surprise for when we got home, that we’d tell the team then. I.. i should have known. You wouldn’t have held that back…” 

 

Shiro pulled Lance closer to him, holding him steady against his chest. “Lance. I… I love you. I need you to know. Even if I don’t remember the love that plastered on these walls, the love we shared with Adam… I love you despite not remembering.” Lance shook against Shiro’s chest, tears coming faster now, “and I will never, never stop trying to remember you Lance. But you are my future. Not just my past.” 

 

Shiro brough Lance away from his chest, and looked into those ocean blues, “I will fight for you. Through every fleet the galra send, I will fight for you.”

 

Shiro isn’t sure how long they stay like that, curled around each other, but he does know that he never wants to let go.  Never wants to see Lance cry, to see him shake with pain and heartbreak, never again. 

 

But Lance, Lance has more to say. 

 

“I… Shiro I looked at the battled records.” Shiro stiffens, knowing where his brilliant blue boy is going with this. “There’s no record of a body, and his ship data is recorded flying out of pattern. Shiro, he broke protocol. He.. could stil-”

 

“Lance, hun, you need to sleep, rest. We can talk about this in the morning…” Shiro’s mind was running a million miles an hour. 

 

If there was even the slightest chance that Adam was out there, somewhere. They’d find him. They would burn every Galra ship, every general and sentry. If Adam was alive? They would fight the stars for him. 

 

But for now, they just needed each other. Needed to sleep, to heal. And tomorrow, they’d face new challenges. 

 

And face challenges they did. After that night, they hit the ground running. Never going back to the subject of finding Adam. They faced so much, battles, betrayals, and god did Shiro’s heart shatter every day, just a little more. Because his beautiful, loving and sunshine Lance, was missing. Was hidden under masks of pain and betrayal. Shiro thought, maybe, that night they’d been okay, that Lance understood he would always have Shiro on his side. But Lance, was ruthless, ready to fight anything that moved. Put himself in danger, constantly. (More so than Shiro wanted to admit was okay)

 

But then, then a stupid fucking robeast came. And it was hurting. Lance. And Shiro, wasn’t having that. Couldn’t let that continue. Not to his beautiful sunshine, to his ocean eyes. 

 

And suddenly, the Atlas wasn’t just a ship. It was Shiro’s ticket to saving at least one person he loved. Saving his family from space. He wasn’t going to fail them. 

 

And they lived, they all lived and they recovered and… 

 

Lance shut Shiro out of his room. Out of his world. Lance pushed everyone away. Hunk hadn’t heard from him in days, Coran hadn’t seen him around either. Veronica said that Lance wanted space and time to heal, and had ordered the hospital staff to not let anyone, even family, into his room.    

 

Shiro knew, he just knew it in his soul, that he was going to lose Lance. He was going to watch Lance waste away into nothing more than tides of emotions, set schedules and predictable. His wild and free spirit Lance, his beautiful ocean boy, and Shiro would be damned if he lost without a fight. So he fought. 

 

And by fought, he waited until the sun had set and he climbed through Lance’s window. Like a very rationally thinking person. Who was in COMPLETE control. And not shaking, nope. Not at all. Shiro was completely sane and rational. 

 

That's obviously why he DIDN’T shriek when he landed in Lance’s room, to Lance, wide away and pouring over maps. And after said shriek that never happened, he definitely did not fall onto the ground in sheer shock. 

 

“Shiro? What the fuck are you doing?” Lance was at his side in a moment, confusion leaking through the sheer exhaustion in his eyes. 

 

“I uh… I didn’t want to lose you?” Red was creeping up Shiro’s neck and cheeks as he realized that maybe, just maybe, he could have used the door. 

 

“Lose me..? Shiro, why in the heavens would you lose me? You literally admitted your love to me? While cradling me gently in your arms?” Lance had a small smile, soft and gentle. Like the sun breaking through clouds after a rain shower. 

 

“You, you were shutting yourself away and you were being reckless and then they said you wouldn’t see anyone and…” Shiro was rambling, when he felt lips gentle on his forehead. 

 

“‘Kashi, hun. I…needed time. That’s all. I wasn’t leaving you, or anyone. I just needed a few days to myself. I’m sorry I scared you babe.” Lance held the older boy to his chest, running careful fingers through the snow white mop, murmuring gentle reassurances. 

 

The sat together, for a while, Shiro taking the time to calm himself down, and Lance happy to have him close. When Shiro pulled back, he finally took in all the maps. 

 

“Lance… what, what is all this?” Shiro stood, looking at each paper, the lines drawn and pins placed. 

 

“Oh, um. Well so… that's the other thing is, well I figured since I was healing, and the big battle was over maybe… maybe I could find him.” Lance was fidgeting, and the last words came out barely a whisper. 

 

Shiro was… stunned. Flabbergasted. Astounded. Astonished. Blown away. Totally and completely, in love. 

 

“You, you’ve been following the patterns he strayed from. Inconsistencies in battle plans, anomalies…” Shior followed the lines, saw the data, and by heavens it… made sense. 

“There’s, well… before. When it was the three of us, and then you left and you were taken and… Adam thought it could be hostile aliens. So, he made a plan. If they ever came here.” 

 

“He had a safe house.” Of course, of course Adam, ever practical and smart Adam would have found a safe house for them if things went south. He was a boy scout, always prepared. He was brilliant. “Tell me, Lance, tell me everything you know.” 

 

“So, basically, the plan was that he would go out in the first wave if there were attacks. At a certain altitude, he’d report a radar reading off course, volunteer to go investigate. Stray from path. He had four sets of coordinates. Just in case. I just… I can’t figure out which one he’d be at. The coordinates his craft sent back, they aren’t close to any of them. So… maybe he found a new safe house? When he lost us both? Just incase I’d given up the ones I knew?” 

 

“So you’re tracking what could be him, plotting what? A course to check?” Shiro was starting to see the plan that Lance had, and he couldn’t decide if he loved or hated it. 

 

“I thought… maybe… I could find something just close enough. Something that was solid, but I haven’t. I have,” Lance shuffled some papers on a stand, finding the one he was looking for, “twelve possible locations. Thats, it's just too many variables.” Lance was slumped, shoulders low and deflated. 

 

“So we check them. Together. We find him. Or, we get closure trying.” Shiro stood tall though, mind settled on a course of action. “Lance, we will tear the universe apart to find him. I promise you, we won’t stop until we know.” 

 

Lance looked to Shiro, framed by moonlight. He saw his leader from Voltron. The record breaking pilot who sponsored him from Cuba, the first friend he had. And he saw the one he’d fallen in love with. Before space, before galra. 

 

And it hit him. All at once, how they were different people. The Shiro he’d known and loved and lost. And the Shiro standing there, in his room, at midnight. The Shiro who’d come back from the astral plane, the Shiro who’d held him and told him just how much he loved him. Even if Lance wasn’t part of his memories. And Lance? Lance had fallen in love again. With both Shiro's, every Shiro. 

 

“I love you Shiro. More than just the you I knew. Shiro. I love you, all of you, every you in every dimension.” Lance surged to kiss him, sealing the unspoken promise of always loving him, “Now let's go find our missing piece.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> !!!! where is Adam?? where are they going?? who knows??? not me!!!!!!
> 
> leave comments!! hate me!! give me advice!!! I thrive on people!!! 
> 
> or, like seriously, if you want to do something with this work, the idea and concept, feel free to play with the idea, its a really fun relationship to write!! if you have suggestions for where I should take this, hit me up!! I love input from other people!!! it'd be fun! we could be internet friends!!!


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